• Abby Asuncion Media

The Mental Health Chronicles: A Bump, pt. 1

Updated: Oct 12, 2020

Trigger warning: suicide


I've been asked to provide someone comfort after they found out that a person in their community committed suicide because I've been through that experience following the death of my friend Kevin.

The truth is, I don't know how to deal with it. I still get anxiety just thinking about it. I have to take a step back every time the topic comes up. I wish I could be better at comforting people when it comes to these things. But I can't help people when I can barely help myself, and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry to everyone that expects comfort from me when I genuinely feel paralyzed at the thought.

After the back-to-back deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I had a long depressive episode. These people seemingly had everything: success, wealth, talent, and people that loved them. Where does that leave me, when I only feel like I have a fraction of that? I felt selfish for making their deaths about me; I will never truly understand what they were going through. It's unfair to view their deaths that way. But I couldn't help it. I felt hopeless. I considered the act myself many times and these people crossed my mind each time: they decided to go through with it despite their surroundings, so why shouldn't I? I'm not sure what gets me to come down from that ledge every time. I wish I could make sense of these things to you. Some things will just never make sense to me.

Here's what I can make sense of:

  • It's okay to take time with your grieving process. We grieve on our own timelines. Take all the time in the world.

  • It's natural to feel affected by someone's death, even if you weren't particularly close to that person.

  • It's okay to always carry a part of grief with you. We never truly lose it. In your own time, you will get through those five stages of grief.

  • Don't ever compare your life to someone else's. We can never truly understand what another person is going through.

  • We need each other. It is okay to need each other. We are put here to uplift each other. We rise by lifting others.

  • We rise by lifting others

  • We rise by lifting others

  • We rise by lifting others.

Rest in peace, Kev. Thank you for being such a source of creativity. I can never perform in the theater without thinking of you.

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