Trigger warning: suicide
I've been asked to provide someone comfort after they found out that a person in their community committed suicide because I've been through that experience following the death of my friend Kevin.
The truth is, I don't know how to deal with it. I still get anxiety just thinking about it. I have to take a step back every time the topic comes up. I wish I could be better at comforting people when it comes to these things. But I can't help people when I can barely help myself, and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry to everyone that expects comfort from me when I genuinely feel paralyzed at the thought.
After the back-to-back deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I had a long depressive episode. These people seemingly had everything: success, wealth, talent, and people that loved them. Where does that leave me, when I only feel like I have a fraction of that? I felt selfish for making their deaths about me; I will never truly understand what they were going through. It's unfair to view their deaths that way. But I couldn't help it. I felt hopeless. I considered the act myself many times and these people crossed my mind each time: they decided to go through with it despite their surroundings, so why shouldn't I? I'm not sure what gets me to come down from that ledge every time. I wish I could make sense of these things to you. Some things will just never make sense to me.
Here's what I can make sense of:
It's okay to take time with your grieving process. We grieve on our own timelines. Take all the time in the world.
It's natural to feel affected by someone's death, even if you weren't particularly close to that person.
It's okay to always carry a part of grief with you. We never truly lose it. In your own time, you will get through those five stages of grief.
Don't ever compare your life to someone else's. We can never truly understand what another person is going through.
We need each other. It is okay to need each other. We are put here to uplift each other. We rise by lifting others.
We rise by lifting others
We rise by lifting others
We rise by lifting others.
Rest in peace, Kev. Thank you for being such a source of creativity. I can never perform in the theater without thinking of you.