The Mental Health Chronicles: A Bump, pt. 2
Updated: Oct 12, 2020
Trigger warning: suicide, alcohol consumption
So, it's not exactly a secret that I've thought about it. Everyone thinks about it. But it's a secret that I almost did. A couple times. When I was drunk, having an anxiety attack, and in the middle of the street. When I was on the roof, having an anxiety attack. When I thought out my plan as I walked through the park because everyone told me that taking a walk in the park would solve all of my problems. I was having an anxiety attack then, too.
This may not work for everyone, but this is how I see it: what gets me on the ledge in the first place is the heat of the moment. Yes, my situation at the time contributes to it, but it's mostly about not being able to think straight in that moment and placing myself in a bad position at the wrong time. I have those thoughts all the time, but it's only when I place myself in a bad position that I actually think about going through with them. Here's what personally helps me get by; I keep it as a note in my phone whenever I get depressed. Note that this may not work for everyone; everyone has their own way of coping. But hopefully sharing my experience helps you figure out your own method of coping.
Think about your loved ones. I know that some people find that guilting someone out of doing "that thing" is counter-intuitive, but it's what works for me. In my culture, family is the driving force behind everything. I could never do that to them. Or any of my loved ones, for that matter. When I was on that ledge, what brought me down was thinking about how brokenhearted people would be, questioning how they could've done better for me for the rest of their lives. People are never going to be ready to deal with your absence, I don't want anyone to coddle me. It's hard enough to know that your loved one is hurting. Everyone is already doing the best that they can.
It is okay to reach out to someone. Actually, please do reach out to someone.
The world is not against you because they person you reach out to is busy or sleeping.
Don't make any irrational decisions. These feelings will pass but those consequences won't. You WILL be happy again!
Don't let anyone invalidate your feelings. You are entitled to your feelings and they are very very valid.
There are other people who feel the same way that you do that can benefit from letting those thoughts out with you, and you can benefit from letting those thoughts out to them. Lean on each other.
People love you. They do!!! Just ask them
And if none of these are sufficient for you, at least know that I'm in your corner, rooting for you. I'm rooting for us.